Mini-V's mess-fest

So I have mentioned before that my two-year old has a tendency to vomit and defecate in the most obscure and often difficult situations, testing Super-J and my ability to handle the mess appropriately. Thought you might like to hear about some of the more memorable occasions, I could list so many more but I have to show some restraint or you could be here all day reading.

Downtown restaurant with no change table
This is memorable because it was the first (of many) occasions.  When Mini-V was four months old, we thought it would be easy enough to walk into town and grab a nice bite to eat at a nice restaurant.  It was late September, the leaves were just starting to change color and so we thought it nice to sit at an outdoor table of the restaurant, not wanting to disturb too many people with our baby and stroller. We had just placed our order when a distinct odor wafted over us. The odor of poo.  I did a quick check and found that not only had the baby done a massive one, but off course it was up her back and into her new BundleMe.  I was still a new Mom so I had to think for a moment about what to do. Of course I had a limited supply of emergency items in my diaper bag - blame it on inexperience - but luckily I did have diapers, wipes and, thankfully, a change of clothes. I unfastened the baby from the stroller and headed to the Ladies Room.

So that's when I realized that in this sophisticated Carrera marble lined, wallpapered "powder room", with its fancy Williams Sonoma hand soaps and phalaenopsis orchid, there was no change table.  I set myself up on the bathroom floor (yes, eew), carefully laying out my change pad, and swiftly changed and re-clothed her.  I returned to my table, removed the soiled BundleMe and ate my now cold lunch.

Ikea
I think Mini-V was around 10 months old when we did one of our twice-a-year trips to Ikea to pick up odds and ends and, of course, we stopped at its famed cafeteria. By now, she was eating finger good and I offered her a small piece of my steamed salmon. BIG MISTAKE. A few moments later, Mini-V didn't look so well. Then it happened. Projectile vomiting. When I mean projectile, I really mean it. She spewed with such tenacity that I thought she could enter a vomiting Olympic event.  It went everywhere. All over the highchair, the table, me, herself. And you know along with that vomit comes the frightned screams of The Vomiter. By now we had spectators. I tried to remain cool under the scrutiny.  Acting like oh yeah, I do this all the time. I actually did.  Vomiting was fast becoming one of her common and expected reactions to the teething process.

So anyway, again we were lucky to have a change of clothes, and by now we knew we had to always travel with Zip Lock bags to contain any soiled items.  But you definitely know it's a "situation" when you hear on the overhead announcement that the cafeteria urgently needs contamination clean-up crew - their special attendants who come with buckets, Clorox and who are dressed in heavy duty overalls and gloves.  Just when I thought we were acting as inconspicuous as possible, they send over their people. Nice.

The Mall
I don't now which incidence to mention first. The Mall is one of Mini-V's all-time favorite places to poop, vomit, wet her pants.  On my first birthday as a mother, I met a friend and her little son for lunch with Mini-V.  We had just bought the Baby Jogger City Mini and it was the first time I was using it and the new toddler size BundleMe. Brand new.  We had a nice lunch at the Nordstrom Cafe and I still remember what I ordered, because I saw it again later. I had ordered a Tuna Nicoise Salad, which most people know comes with a nice hardboiled egg on top.  I am allergic to hardboiled eggs, Mini-V is not, so she happily ate the yolk. She was about 8 months' old at the time.

After lunch, we continued walking and she was starting to look sleepy so I covered the mesh backing with the flap to give her some darker quiet inside the seat. It was a little too quiet, and there was "a smell". I looked inside, to my horror, and saw what looked like curdled eggs all over the brand new BundleMe and stroller.

I kid you not, I sat in the Macy's bathroom with her, and the soiled stroller and literally tried to clean everything with about twenty minutes.  I eventually gave up and had to go home, strip everything (including the new stroller) and wash every soiled item. It was utterly disgusting and the worst birthday present ever.  My next birthday, she was sick all over me too - but that's another story!

Another time at an outlet mall, at 8:55pm (5 minutes before closing), Mini-V completely destroyed her diaper and clothing with a foul diaper explosion.  Honestly, I can handle it in the best of circumstances.  I was getting used to it, but this was like the world was testing my abilities under time constraints. I have to say I passed with flying colors. We made it back to the car without too much haste, even if the cleaners had already started doing their work in the now closed Mall.

Mini-V drinks so much water that it is almost a 3-4 times a week deal that she will fill her diaper quicker than we can change it. Even if we change it and then drive someplace, chance are, particularly in the summertime, her pants are wet. We haven't formally started potty training but needless to say, I definitely think it will be challenging keeping up with her need to go! I can't even count and tell you how many times we have had to buy new outfits for her at the mall because she has already used her emergency clothing. No kidding.

Travelling
Well, this list here is voluminous too. She peed on my leg, through her diaper, on a plane trip to Dubai. She projectile vomited (almost getting the iPad, which I had only just put away because I thought - foolishly - she looked "sleepy") in the car and all over Super-J in India. I don't blame her, that car ride was sickeningly bumpy and jerky. The last trip we took, I honestly felt over-zealous packing five sets of emergency clothing for her in my carry-on, even though we were travelling over 20 hours.  Super-J even laughed when he saw and questioned the need for it all. Well, we used up every set of clothing and could have used one more.

Her Crib
This is the last story for you.  Mini-V's crib became her little sanctuary for mess, her high chair too. I can't recall how many times the crib rails had to be Lysol-ed or the sheets had to be cleaned due to mess.  I distinctly remember a couple of the worst times though.

There is a reason why for almost 22 months, we never put Mini-V in two-piece pyjamas. She has always been a butt-scratcher.  And I am not sure about other kids but my older girl has always been one to do a poop during naptime.  Maybe it's just that it is so relaxing and calm and it is the best, most private time for her to do her mess. There was one occasion that I had to learn the hard way that it is not a good idea to let her sleep in a two-piece.  It was mid-afternoon and she had woken from her nap. I could see, and hear, her on the monitor, playing around. Moving from one side of the crib to the other. She was about 15 or 16 months' old, so she was able to run back and forth in her crib.

I usually let her have quiet time when she wakes up, allowing her to nicely wake before bringing her back downstairs. This is mainly because sometimes she will wake and go back to sleep. The five minutes lets me really determine if she is up.  This time, she was quite active and making lots of "playing noises".  I went upstairs and when I opened the door, omg the sheer horror and disgust! The first thing that hit me was the stench. It was that smell of a badly soiled, possibly exploded, diaper, that has since been urinated in and had sat for a little while.  Then when I went over to her, she giggled and I smelled her breath. Yes, that's right. Her breath stank of poop! (I vomit a little in my mouth, thinking of this).  At this point, I think I gasped loudly and shrieked something along the lines of "AAARRRGH!".

Then, I looked at her fingers. Poop. Then I looked at the crib sheet. Poop. Finally, I looked at the crib itself, poop. Honestly, it looked like she had butt scratched and then proceeded to investigate what this matter was, then she has used it as a sort or Art medium with which to draw with. She had "drawn" (in poop) all over the railings, the sheets and even herself.

Needless to say, this was the ultimate in putrified disgusting, filthy moments in the repertoire of Mini-V. And one I will used time and time again against her in the future when she makes any material demands of me ("Mom, I want a car, "no, I cleaned your poop").  In truth, it wasn't too bad to clean, because everything had to be cleaned! At one point, I think I laughed.  It was so disgustingly memorable! To this day, I still try to put her in one-piece pyjamas.

So finally, I just want to add (and I know I posted about Buttercup's vomiting last night) but Mini-V did vomit on my today too. But you know, by now I am a seasoned pro at it ;)